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The Spongebob Squarepants Movie Director's Cut
I received a package from Mr. Hillenburg himself. It was the Director's Cut VHS tape... strangely it had the exact same design as the regular The Spongebob Squarepants Movie VHS tape. I was so overjoyed, I grabbed my old VHS player, went to go get some popcorn and some Sprite, then I put in the tape, sat down, and was ready to watch the director's cut. If only I would take that back. Well, the intro of the film was different. You know, where the pirates get the tickets to the Spongebob movie? Well, the shot just... stays there. It just froze on the pirate in the crow's nest, using the telescope. He didn't move at all. You couldn't even hear the voices of the pirates. It was just total silence. Gee, that's odd. After about six minutes, the tape cut to the scene of Spongebob and Patrick driving in their Krabby Patty car singing the Goofy Goober song...Wow, this was pretty late in the film. Again, it was dead silence. It cut to static for about 30 seconds, but again it was silent. The weird thing is that I could make out some sort of video in the static... It looked like Patrick, who was no longer in the car and was on the road, laying unconscious, and Spongebob, who was still in the car, was running him over repeatedly, and as he kept doing it, blood spurted on the screen. The blood was either food coloring, that might have been used for the making of this realistic blood splatter effect, paint, or... real. It wasn't your regular cartoon blood. I nearly vomited, but after the video clip ended, the film cut to the scene where Spongebob and Patrick receive their seaweed mustaches from Mindy, but again it was silent. When it got to the scene of where Spongebob and Patrick are falling into the trench without taking the stairs, right when they were about to hit the branch, it once again cut to static. This time there was no hidden video thankfully, and it was just regular static. It cut to the shot of the monsters walking away after following Spongebob and Patrick to the other side of the trench because Spongebob called them hideous, disgusting monsters. However the scene went on longer than I expected... It showed the monsters walking away for like five seconds, and then, for no reason, they all exploded. Blood and organs were flying. It then cut to Spongebob, Patrick, and Mindy at the Krusty Krab 2, where Plankton commands King Neptune to kill them with his fiery staff. And he actually does it. Spongebob, Patrick, and Mindy were disintegrated by it, mushy gore flying everywhere. SpongeBob's head landed next to Plankton, who laughed evilly. Then, King Neptune finally burns the poor, frozen Mr. Krabs, who melts into blood and melted organs, but not like the same state as Spongebob, Patrick, and Mindy because ice is made out of water, you know. This time, I threw up. Then I paused the film, and went into the bathroom to throw up even more! When I came back, I unpaused the film. Instead of the credits rolling, there was just a black screen, and distorted piano music in reverse, probably JS Bach Badinerie, was playing.